Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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