I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
