whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
