I hate all girls vehemently.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
