So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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