we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
