When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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