shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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