i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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