my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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