This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got inside last night via doggy door
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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