I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
