It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
