These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my being single is dangerous.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
