Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize