if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
