I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
