living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
