shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
