reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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