In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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