Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
