the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
