no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He shit in the fireplace
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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