I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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