it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
