god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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