I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bring me that man meat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
