She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
