Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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