if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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