Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
