what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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