i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A bitchslap is in order.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
