Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
