Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
false alarm, still single
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