You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
