It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
