It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
