guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
