is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
