i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
