YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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