porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
