i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
