Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
