This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
