I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
