She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
