even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please come you make the beer taste better
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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