He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
