Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
