everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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