i permit you to call me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
