Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
