doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
