I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
operation have a gay friend backfired
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
