Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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