Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize