Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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