Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
