Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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