you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
