he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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