I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Acid is not a monday night drug
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
