I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
