U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
