you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
