when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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