that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
